Another installation of Destinations2DI4

By Diana Bosse for Loveland Beacon

LOVELAND, OH (June 26, 2024) – Those who know me know that flying is not my favorite thing. I pray more on a plane than Easter Vigil mass.

Diana Bosse (Photo Diana Bosse)

I’m a chatty person and enjoy passing the time (and expelling my nervous energy) talking to the poor soul sitting next to me on the flight. Sadly, these days most other people on the Metal Cylinder of Death prefer to sleep or watch NCIS reruns on their iPhones with earbuds intact. Oh, how I miss the days of old when flying was like an episode of Mad Men where guys wore suits, gals wore dresses and my sister and I wore matching outfits (despite not being twins). Fellow passengers talked, drank martinis, and smoked Lucky Strikes. Those were the days, my friend!

While I like talkative row mates, I don’t particularly care for chatty pilots. The less I hear from the cockpit, the better. Nothing worse than the mid-flight announcement, “Flight Attendants, please take your seats.”

Speaking of seats, this afternoon’s journey from CVG to SAV started out just fine until I discovered my seat assignment was 26B. When there are only 29 rows of 3 and 3, and you realize you’re not just in the back of the bus, you are also in the middle seat, at that very moment, you can actually hear that squeaky, eerie violin music typically heard only in the horror film, Psycho.

Crammed in the middle seat taking whatever view you can get (Photo Diana Bosse)

As I drudgingly rolled my roller bag down the never-ending aisle, I also worried about how I was going to lift the darn thing over my head since the last strong, muscular man in sight had just sat down in 17C. I wondered how in the world my $40 carry-on could possibly weigh so much more than the flight to Cincy until I recalled the golf shirt and quarter zip that Cory had bequeathed to my husband, the cute hand-me-down dress from Heather, the little black number trimmed in ostrich feathers from LouLou’s in Bridgetown, earrings from Shop Charbon, the Jeff Ruby’s carry out container of Audrina’s incredible brownies and the cutting from Marlene ice plant wrapped in a wet paper towel, aluminum foil and carefully placed in yet another plastic container. The only thing I’d left behind in Cincinnati was Carter’s birthday card with his 529 plan donation. So yeah, I guess my luggage was a bit heavier. Fortunately for me, my adrenaline kicked in and I was able to hoist it into the overhead bin without knocking my teeth out.

Anywho, back to my seat assignment. I always request a window. I like to see what’s happening. It’s a control thing. I like to keep an eye out in case I need to inform the flight attendant that the engine is on fire or a wing has fallen off. Nothing ticks me off more than wasting a window seat on a passenger who doesn’t appreciate the value of a window seat. Today Miss 26A didn’t put up her shade FOR.THE.ENTIRE.FLIGHT. What the heck!?!?! I could hardly see out the 1/8th window from 25A. How in the world was I supposed to save the lives of all 247 passengers and 6 crew should an emergency arise?

 

Fortunately, it was a smooth flight and the only time the Captain spoke was to inform us he had turned off the Fasten Seat Belt Sign and we were free to move about the cabin, which is quite ironic when you are crammed into the middle seat and can no longer feel your legs.

Watch for more of the exploits of Diana Bosse in her FEATURE: Destinations2DI4 here on Loveland Beacon.